This is a little story about love at 50. I started dating about seven years ago after the sudden and unexpected death of my dearly loved husband. After being married for two and a half decades, I felt like a dinosaur in the dating game in my late 40’s. Without going in too much detail around ‘The Dating Game’ at this time, lets just fast forward to the age of 53 and dating “The Man and His Dog”.
I live in a very sweet neighborhood. It’s quiet. People actually say “Good Morning” which is an anomaly in Miami Beach. But this particular neighborhood is for the people searching for a bit of that old-time living. We have Hassidic Jews, Latinos, wealthy and blue collar all mixed into the same area. I don’t need to lock my doors. I love it! Melting pot Miami. In the dating game, that translates to dating Peru to Greece to New Zealand to half-Irish half-Crazy?!? You’re getting the picture right??
Artículo en Español: Un Hombre y Su Perro
Welcome ‘Adventure USA’
I like to take walks in the early evenings to stretch my back and break away from all the hours working on the computer. On one of these nights and many thereafter, I began to notice ‘the men and their dogs’ and began wondering about them. I would notice their faces and what kind of dogs they were walking. Like if the dog was snarly and unsociable or friendly and kind, or nappy and rude. At the same time, I was observing their owners. Who were these men??
I began to wonder what kind of relationships these men were engaged in or were their primary relationships on 4 legs instead of 2? Now the reason that my mind went to that inquisitive questioning was that not long before, I had dated a man and his dog and had formulated some theories around this peculiar arrangement.
Now I am sure you have heard of ‘The Infamous Cat Lady,’ the classic, unmarried woman who lives with more than two cats.
But no one ever talks about the man and his dog. I have observed that there are men out there, let’s say for numbers sake, over the age of 45, who are single, hardworking or retired. They have also experienced the challenges of dating, long-term relationships, monogamy, divorce and are looking for a simpler life.
Now I am not knocking them, because at the delicate age of 53, I completely understand where they are coming from. I too have endured my fair share of lust, love, joy, sorrow, heart-break, pain and the endless pursuit of growing up!
So the driving desire for a simpler existence within the throes of love is a theme that I not only share, but one that many of my single girlfriends in the same age group share as well. We are all so tired and exhausted!!
“When’s it going to be easy? Haven’t we paid our dues already? Haven’t we healed our Gd-dmned Karma!?! Can’t I finally meet Prince Charming or Princess Charming and live happily ever after??”
I think folks are moving way too fast. I was going to say life is moving too fast. But that’s a cliche and life isn’t the one running around like a cracked-out chicken. We are. We’re the creators, the problem and the solution.
In a world of multi-interconnectedness, we are now vastly open to being hit with information upside, downside and underside with no place to run or hide! The temptation to connect to it all is too compelling.
So here we are floating or more like zipping in motion world overload and then we meet someone “NEW.” Don’t forget we’re seasoned, cooked, done.
“WE ARE LOOKING FOR A SIMPLER LIFE.” And I am talking about my brethren brothers and sisters as well.
So where am I going with all of this and how do the men with their dogs fit in this picture?
As unethical as this may seem, I started sleeping with my landlord. I didn’t really plan for this. I have been his tenant for over two years. I have also hung out with his ex-wife and do like her. Interestingly enough, he has a dog, a bit high strung and anxious, but very friendly. It’s kind of like him. He seemed a lot to handle, not the dog.
But I always found him charming and a bit attractive. Then one day early in our tenant/landlord relationship, I wanted to have my bedroom air conditioning unit replaced. It was like a freight train running through my room! Anyways, he was a pain in my neck! All of a sudden, I was painted as the perpetual spoiled, whining princess. (Ok..maybe my sister did nickname me Princess Di as a child… but still!) He was cheap and resistant! My four brother-in-laws said they were going to help me sue him or at the very least break his legs! I was quickly turned off to his Uruguayan (not the real country) good looks and sexy accent by this new development.
That episode was two years ago. He kept his legs and finally did help me change out the unit. So I forgave him. After all, he was still a charming latin man and I was still a libidinous sexually-awake woman.
So after working this particular summer in beautiful Nantucket, I arrived back to find him hanging around my building. He had another apartment there that he was involved in renovating. And that’s where the trouble began. FLIRTING started.
I started thinking that he was kind of cute, and reminded me of that 1960’s cartoon character, the skunk called Pepé Le Pew who was funny, charming, philandering, yet absolutely irresistible and loveable!
Now, it is not that I was hoping Pierre (not his real name) carried these same philandering, roving-eye tendencies. But he definitely had the same irresistible qualities. I was drawn in like a fly to crap.
He finally invited me for tea at his place and we had a sweet time. He made me a simple lunch. We shared some nice conversation and then he invited me into his bedroom to watch some comedy sitcoms which was one of his favorite pastimes. I found it kind of quick to be invited to lie down in a bed. But then again, I have been dating for seven years. That alone should give you an idea of how much I have seen. So I did, not lie down but sort of sat up and watched sitcoms and laughed. It was a good time.
At this early stage in the game, I was not really sure why he had me over. He had never expressed anything I could even remotely read into. You can flirt with anybody.
Ugh Men! They think they’re simple. I think they’re backwards.
I did not know if he had invited me over as a friend, a colleague (we both have spiritual practices) or as a potential lover, friend with benefits, possible getting to know you or like you relationship??
By the second time visiting him, I got my answer. It was not as romantic as I would have preferred, but that’s another story. Let’s just say sparks flew and the connection worked. My libido was singing ‘Hallelujah’!
After our ‘intimate fun’, conversation came up and I shared that I was not ready for anything serious since I had just ended a complicated one year ‘friends with benefits relationship’ that supposedly should NOT have been complicated. Right. Tell it to the hand cuz the face ain’t listening!
Anyways, I stated that I was open to the notion of ‘a lover’. That always sounds way more romantic and wistful and plus, I am 53. A lover.. how exotic, how mature, how convenient. But for arguments sake and for the younger more hip generation, let’s just call it friends with benefits.
“Why not give this new fling a shot?”
So where does the dog come in to all this? It’s not like the dog slept in the same bed with us, or licked my toes or anything. But the DOG is a very vital piece.
At my second rendezvous with my hot latin fling, we got into another conversation. I asked him about his dog. He told me how important his dog was to him. And how the dog’s entrance into his life was an act of Grace. “It saved my life,” he said. I admired his honesty, kindness and the devotion and love he felt for his dog. There was a definite big bond here. And that had to be a good sign that he was so devoted to something.
I shared how I had observed in the recent past how a few men who had gotten so close to their dogs ended up not having any room for anyone else. Not only that, but I noticed these particular men seemed to have real trouble relating to a human (I mean a woman) emotionally. You know, it’s like they got stunted somewhere. He seemed jolted as if the hand of God had slapped him in the face! “Uh oh,” I thought. “This is not a good sign.” I could see his head going back over his recent past and its myriad characters. I HAD struck a nerve.
Now I am not a judgmental person, except when I need to be. So I decided to see if maybe I was wrong in all my theoretical pinning and this guy would show me how mature, emotionally connected and communicative he could be to someone who could actually talk back to him.
He said how much he loved his simple life with no complications, easy coasting, just him and his dog. No dramas.
Yet, he also shared how open he was to being partnered again in life as long as it was the right fit. Right! The more I hung out with him, the more it felt like he was not looking for a real relationship, but instead, another dog!
A real relationship is where you get called on your crap. You get triggered. You compromise. You work at things. You get your BS beaten out of you! You know…REAL….Grown Up….Fun….. Loving…Complicated…..Complex….Emotional….FEELINGS!!! Not a “Oh, I love you!!” Woof Woof, me too!”
“This story is new,” I rationalized. “He is going away for a good month to visit his family in Uruguay.” I wondered if I would hear from him. Ten days into his trip abroad, I got an email. The message read as, “We miss Miami, We miss seeing you! We send you a kiss.” Uhhhhhh???? The dog and you?? You both miss me? You both send me a kiss?? Did your dog actually ask you to do that?? Oh brother, oh mother! I could see me slowly losing hope in this fling ever amounting to anything but a little bubble in time with a hot latin lover.
These Men. Their dogs.
Is there hope for this one???
Will he drop the ‘We’ and become an ‘I’?
Or will he grow to become another sweet, little old guy walking his aging dog around a quiet neighborhood living a simple life?
~To be continued….
~Madame Sassy~ AKA Rebecca Justo
Note from Blanca, founder of Mi Caminar: Rebecca (a.k.a as Beki to her friends and I) has been my best friend since we were 12 years old. She told me this story and she made me laugh so much, that I told her to write about it. So here it is! Her first ever blog post! And get ready for more fun and adventures :) ~ Blanca Stella
You can find her on her website: Rebecca Justo or on her Facebook page. She is an incredible healer. Check it out from the bio below. I can vouch for that!