So where do I start? As I said in my last post, I wanted to share some stories that I haven’t shared on this blog when I had my own near death experience, also known as my peace and bliss in chaos in 2002. In the story of the boy in the movie, Heaven is For Real, he said he want to heaven, saw Jesus and the angels and came back. It was a vivid visual experience.
My story is a bit different because I am not as visual. Have you heard of the different kinds of senses we all have? There is clairvoyance (visual), clairaudience (hearing) and clairsentience (feeling). Most of my life, I have been more of the “feeling” type. It’s kind of like the gut feelings. You can’t describe it, but you just kind of know.
Artículo en Español: Felicidad y Paz en el Caos
I also have sensitivities in hearing, like when I get inspired when I am at the beach and sit down with pad and paper and some really nice words spill out. It doesn’t happen as much anymore because I am so busy working and some of my work includes technical things which make me utilize my left brain a lot.
But the visual part was not so prevalent, that is, until I had that car accident 11 years ago. I didn’t have an experience of going in the tunnel and seeing heaven. But I sure did feel like I was in heaven right there plopped in my hospital bed wide awake. I welcomed all the people that came to visit me, but I preferred to be alone in quiet, close my eyes and and see this other world.
My heart felt like it was bursting at the seams with love. I remember being so sensitive that when a priest came to visit me and pray for me, I started crying because I felt and “knew” that Jesus was standing right beside him. I even saw a glow around him. When people came to the room to send me love, I could feel that love intensely. When the guy that was driving my car was hovering over me to the right and feeling heavy out of guilt, all I could hear was the words “Guilt, guilt, guilt, which he was (story in this link fourth paragraph down) because he caused the accident.
After a couple of days, I asked him to please never come back. I couldn’t deal with those emotions while I dealing with a fractured pelvis, crushed acetabellum, broken ankle in five pieces and a broken wrist. I was lucky that the doctors and my family didn’t tell me that they and the doctors were afraid that I may never walk again. They finally did tell me until a year later, when I was walking without crutches.
So in that state of being broken in many places in my body, I was actually experiencing bliss and this incredible peace in my heart. Yes, I was on morphine for about a week. But I consciously wanted to get off it because I simply wanted to be conscious. That is where the floodgates of bliss opened even more! And it started when I did a deep heartfelt prayer to God. Was I in pain? Hell yes! But the subsequent pain pills eased a lot of it. As long as I didn’t move, I was OK. My pelvis was in traction because I had to wait about two weeks for my third surgery in the pelvis. The doctors were giving me time to recuperate loss of blood from the other two surgeries on my ankle and wrist.
Whenever I have told some of my stories to friends, the first thing they say is that it was the morphine, so I was hallucinating. But why then, would a nurse in the ICU unit who has seen many patients in critical care, suggest that I see a psychologist because I was too peaceful and happy for someone that had gone through the kind of injuries? I was with my mother, who is deeply spiritual and has been my guiding light through everything. We both cracked up laughing. I said “Go ahead, call the psychologist.” I got the green light that I was OK. And, by the way, the psychologist came to see me about two weeks after the accident or after one week without being on morphine.
I knew that this accident was a blessing in disguise. My life was a crazy busy with alot of work but very messy from breaking up with someone from a very dysfunctional seven year relationship and I still had to deal with him because we were doing some real estate projects together. It wasn’t just him, but an accumulation of things, patterns I carried, I later realized all my life.
So I suppose my state of peace and bliss in this chaos was there because I never questioned, “Why is this happening to me?” Instead, I was caught up and immersed with this unseen world, which I could now “see” when I closed my eyes. I was like in this bubble of being in heaven, but here in this world, conscious and awake. When I closed my eyes, I would be somewhere that was very beautiful that hopefully now, I can get the nerve to start sharing. The best way that I can explain it was that I felt myself encapsulated in a force field that brought me deep peace, bliss, love and happiness.
Today is Easter Sunday, the day of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. He died and resurrected after three days. I am Catholic and believe in this wholeheartedly. On that day, December 15, 2002 at approximately 3 am in the morning, it was my day to maybe symbolically die for an instant, and come back so I could have a second chance of reliving my life in a completely different way. My life is very busy and vibrant now. I am so happy to be walking in the path I am now in. It has come with many continued challenges, but I know I am on the right path.
So until next time…when I will share more stories of my peace and bliss in chaos while discovering an unseen world. I hope you had a beautiful Easter. Today I went to Easter mass with my parents and said hello to the priest that came to visit me 11 years ago, enjoyed watching kids playing on the beach, chilled out in the sunshine with the sounds of the ocean wave, worked out at the gym, took a deep breath at a beautiful sunset, had my favorite sushi- Sea of Love. Now that’s heaven ;) Ok… a very handsome man next to me would be even better…but that would be gravy.
Delicious Sea of Love Roll
How about you? What is your heaven and what sensitivities are more open for you?